Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
