i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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