so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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