Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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