**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
