i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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Im part way to drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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