I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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