she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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