It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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