guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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