Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
