Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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