meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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