And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
