Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
