i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
