I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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