I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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