On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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