you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.