guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt