Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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