i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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