apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
