I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
