Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize