the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
