i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
