She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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