Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
