I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
