He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
