he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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