Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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