you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
