Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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