A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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