burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
