I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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