we're blogging at a bar
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
