i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
