He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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