I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Enjoy the penises
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
