dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
