do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
