I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your penis caused this!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
