Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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