I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
