You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
