I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love you. Go after that dick
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
