I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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