You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
