I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
