Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
