I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
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You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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