ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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