I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
