She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
