i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
