His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
