he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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