Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
