Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
