You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
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