Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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