Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
