I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
